1. Cigarette Buzz
9:00 am on the avenues of shattered bottles,
One for every night I’ve spent alone with you.
I feel like my insides are filled with pins and needles,
One for each cigarette I’ve shared with you.
Rub me the wrong way and you’ll get a palm of splinters,
One for every time I’ve rubbed your tired back.
I feel like I’m living in a town closed down for winter,
I smoke a cigarette and cry down by the tracks
I feel so small
When I look at it all,
I fill my lungs up with smoke.
My blood flows slow.
When you’re not here it’s like I’ve got nails for a mattress,
One for every night I’ve cried myself to sleep.
I’ve felt the fury of a flaming firecracker,
You used to act like you were happy as can be.
The cigarette butts are piled up in the ashtray,
One for everything thought I’ve had tonight of you.
My cigarette buzz helps pull me through the rough days,
My mind displays the days erased with you.
Where will I go?
2. Gemini
All I ever wanted was a good girl,
Someone that’s proud to hold my hand.
I’m mesmerized by your coffee-colored eyes,
Keep staring back.
My gemini
Just you and I
On wonderous wings we fly,
We’re in the sky, my gem and I,
My gemini.
All I ever wanted was somebody
To keep me warm on wintery nights.
When I feel frost it melts away inside your arms,
I feel all right.
My Gemini,
Just you and I.
On wings of wax we fly,
We’re in the sky, my gem and I,
My gemini.
I wanted my imagination.
Walked to my window and you were there.
I ran outside, hopped in your car, went for a ride,
Whole worlds to share.
Kissing by the river, sugar lips that make me quiver,
I love the way you look in the moonlight.
Give me your hand, I’ll save you from this wicked land,
Give me a try.
Magical Yummy Kisses Every Knight
You’re so magical.
My gemini.
3. Captured
My brain, it used to hold these memories,
They’ve faded fast away.
Surprised I still recall my name.
Forgotten places and distorted blurry faces,
Such a shame.
Shame, shame, shame…
This camera captures only images
(light on paper, bound to fade).
Sweet snapshots can’t replace
The things that time erased.
What must I do to capture you?
My brain still haunts me with your memory,
A million miles away.
Do you remember everything?
Regrets and praises and some awkward conversations,
Can’t find the phrase.
My pen can’t find your face…
This ink it captures simple paragraphs
(Light on paper, bound to fade).
Sweet sad songs can’t replace
The things we shared those days.
4. Fearful Symmetry
Sitting here waiting for you,
My eyes are strained, you’re not in my view.
Like sand through screen
I can’t catch a glimpse of your face.
Sweet, sad girl, don’t you cry,
I’m not like all those other guys,
I’ll treat you right, enhance your life.
I know you’re scared, you’re so unsure,
Go with your heart and you’ll find more
Than you’ve experienced before…
Tyger, Tyger, burning bright
In deep forests of the night.
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame your fearful symmetry?
Sitting here, I feel like I’m floating,
Because of you I’m always glowing.
I’ve never felt so right
In my short, sad life.
I’ve never been more serious
Or wanted someone more than this.
Holes in our backs were Cupid hit.
I’ve never seen such perfect lips
Or felt such magic in a kiss,
Our tongues explore in such pure bliss…
You told me secrets, so dark and so scary,
Words I’ll take with me when I’m dead and buried.
My lips are sealed,
God Herself can’t find the key…
Your name sounds good,
Unheard of and befitting.
Rolls off my tongue like ice-water ribbon.
I used to use the same letters save for one…
Who could frame your fearful symmetry?
5. Leak
Standing in the yard,
My breath’s a frosty fog,
Escapes like smoke
From my sore throat.
The wind could freeze my tears,
Salty, silver, pointed spheres.
My sadness leaks,
It paints my cheeks.
I would do anything for you,
You know it’s true
Aching in the cold,
My heart burns like a coal.
My once-glad friend
You’re sad again.
If we could just trade skins,
I’d stop yours from leaking
And take your pain
And hurt away.
Anything for you.
6. Wide Open (The Joke’s on me)
Sitting alone I smoke too many cigarettes,
Your name’s in black permanent ink across my chest.
Is this a joke to you?
It’s not a joke to me!
My heart broke!
My heart broke wide open!
My arms around you in that happy photograph.
We heard “The Jets” roar, I got a pink stain from your back.
Am I a joke to you?
You’re not a joke to me!
And it’s not a joke.
And it’s not a joke.
And you might disagree
But’s not a joke to me…
Now you’re on your own
And you don’t know where to go
And I’ve got a funny feeling you’ll return,
Loneliness is a lesson to be learned.
7. All That I Have Left
I want to be with you every night.
I want to feel you holding me tight.
I want to be with you forever.
I want a part of inside of you.
I want inside of the heart of you.
I want to be with you forever.
I want to be the boy that you need.
I want to be your boy permanently.
I want to be with you forever.
I want to be with you all the time.
I want to taste your tongue tasting mine.
I want to be with you forever.
And I’ve waited in my window writing your name
In the steam from my sad breath.
I’m hoping you’ll come to see me,
Heart is heavy as alone I go to bed.
My dreams are all I have left.
8. Knockout
If I wrote the most beautiful song in the world
I really doubt that you’d care.
Because you don’t care about much of anything.
Anything I do is nothing that concerns you,
You never even noticed when…
Now the room is spinning in my bed.
I’m spread too far.
I’m such a sad, sad boy.
A part I’m focused to take
For lack of joy caused by this cruel, cruel world.
I’m a smoke-fueled addict, stressed and panicked
Whirlwind of emotion now.
We fight ’cause we still knock each other out.
Now I’m lying alone in my bed.
I’m spread too far.
This tremendous desolation.
Deep depression disposition
Kissed me when I cleaned the kitchen…
Kissed me when I cleaned the kitchen.
We’re spread too far-far to spread.
Spread too far-far to spread.
9. Sweet Sad Goodbye
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me now.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me crying.
I died a little last night
And now my heart is beat,
I put it underneath your feet.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me now.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me hurting.
I tried to show you things
Your eyes were closed to see,
I tried to show you all of me.
I can’t divorce you from my mind.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me now.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me battered.
Your things are screaming at me
From my sad bathroom sink,
With such stinging intensity.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me now.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave like thunder.
If I weren’t manic depressive,
I’d only feel one-tenth the pain,
You can’t see my tears in the rain.
I can’t divorce you from my mind.
Now I’m alone again.
The silence here is screaming.
Black soul. Black light.
Black hole. Black night.
Don’t think I’ll ever be all right.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave me now.
Don’t leave me, I’m needing less of loneliness.
I lean against the cool brick wall
And smoke for two.
I’m smothering myself in you.
Sweet sad goodbye, worst kind of crying.
You can’t counteract the side-effects of dying.
10. The Maddening
If I could find the words, I’d win,
I’d be your favorite lyricist,
If I could find your heart again.
My misery is mocking me,
My memories make fun of me,
My mind is maddening me.
I’m going out of my mind,
Just when I thought I was fine.
I must have screamed your name
At least three hundred times.
I want to be with you tonight.
My condition. My conviction.
My conception. My contraptions.
My confession. (My concupiscence).
My concern. (My convalescence).
I’m still trying to win your wounded heart.
You gave me two brand new scars.
I’m going out of my mind,
Just when I thought I was fine.
I must have screamed your name
At least three hundred times.
I want to be with you tonight.
You know, I haven’t been swimming
In two or three years.
I want to be swimming between your ears.
I want to dive into your eyes,
I want to be baptized by your smile,
I want to be capsized.
I float through your bloodstream
Until I find a way inside your heart
This song’s a perfect place to start.
I’m going out of my mind,
Just when I thought I was fine.
I must have screamed your name
At least three hundred times.
I want to be with you tonight.
And every night
Eternally kissing your mouth.
I’m going out of my mind…
(Magical Yummy Kisses Every Night, you’re so wonderful)
Eternal madness, etc.
12. Typical Tattoo
There’s no telling what we just might do,
I don’t want to get the typical tattoo
We’ll have to choose permanent and true.
There’s a devil on the shoulder of the angel in my car.
You’d die if you could see the dreams I’ve had between these ringing ears.
My favourite dream and my worst nightmare came to life.
Hand me a knife.
Your heart or mine?
Followed by a black cloud all damn day, it’s swelled up with all the words that you won’t say.
It won’t go away, it’s like a bird of prey.
There’s a devil on my shoulders oh my precious angel dear.
And on the other I stand screaming but it’s not exactly clear just who you hear.
Your favourite dream and your worst nightmare came to life.
Hand me a knife… your heart or mine?
A long time ago I cut all cords of hope upon the razor wire that separated soul from life, you can mark my word, I’m telling total truths, there’s not much more to say when words on paper bruise your heart. My heart’s not dead. There still exists a thread, so sew me back together. I’ll remember to forget her.
13. P.S. I Miss You
My skin is getting then. Translucent if it gets much thinner. Depressed and drunk again. A bag of beer becomes my dinner. My heart it bleeds again. It’s seeping through this ball-point ink pen. I’m by myself again. You’re haunting my imagination.
You will be mine.
I sit alone again in silence waiting for you to make an entrance. But still you never come to bleach this blackness in my bones.
I stand alone in solitude.
I wrote this song because I miss you when you’re gone.
I wrote this song because I miss you.
14. Insomniac Killer
Good night… good night. What a birthday treat. Oh god you look so sweet. Good night… a good knight is what I try to be. I’ll save you in your sleep. You’ve been dreaming… dreaming of a boy like me, I’m a living wreck, inspect this twisted bloody mess. I guess I’m stressed. Sad cigarettes, pissing at the sun won’t get it done. To put this out you’d need the sea, just smile at me. I dream of visiting your dreams…
My soul screams. It seems I’m bursting at the seams, my heart it shouts so loud. I’ve got to get it out. Sweet sweet sugar I’m sure what we have will endure. My words are pure. Filled with wonder.